Something I felt long ago, became something relevant once more.

So what do I really do? I was a gymnast who stopped being a gymnast and became a full time student. But all that creativity I was generating non stop from 10 years of my life, suddenly became clogged up. The massive outlet had disappeared. I was unplugged. I lost myself.

I didn’t understand how much gymnastics had influenced me until I began looking for different forms of expression again. The obvious one was dance. I found myself a nice dance studio in Downtown and continued taking ballet classes. But that wasn’t enough. I went to the gym, that wasn’t enough. I started playing the piano, that also wasn’t enough. I read a lot, shopped a lot, partied a lot, studied different languages a lot, traveled a lot, listened to music a lot....but nothing was enough! What’s happening? I was thinking to myself. Is my life over?

That is when I discovered...a completely untouched, precious....I’m a writer and don’t have the ability to describe how quietly, how gently, and how discreetly and not invasively this creature crept upon me. This creature, this love, this gift.....was the ability to write!

I didn’t know it right away, I didn’t feel it right away. But it became the focus, the cove of my existence. The cove where I brought my daily treasures to at the end of the day. Where I collected precious memories, adventures, and gems of thoughts. Filling up notebook with poems, longer poems, longer longer poems, eventually short stories, longer stories, all kinds of dreams and fantasies that amplified the beauty of my reality. When I reached the point of craving feedback, I opened up my own Blog under the pseudonym Roxalana, called Cafe de ChiChi.

There I started recording some of my oddest works, letting my closest friends and furthest relatives read it. One thing that I found is when you start working with one talent like writing, you are creating and energy bubble of creativity and many other art forms come to your attention. Just of recently I’ve also become interested in voice recordings, and finally edited my first hypersonic video from scratch! Being a human being is all about managing conflict. External conflict starts with internal conflict not being diagnosed at the sight of it’s first symptoms. If we could all find something that heals and helps us be more happy positive knowing people, and think writing can be that one thing for everyone.

I decided to include it as part of my PCDP for managing conflict. What I didn’t know was that October was not going to be a good month for me. And the harder I tried the harder it became. So I let go, and it turns out that’s exactly what I need at the moment. Once November rolled around. My fingers were typing away again, and I felt the force of sense behind my life return to me once more.

Wonderfull Chill Out Music Love Session on Amazing HD Video

*The speaking was done for me, while I was... *

I sat on my chair and thought to myself. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to dance? My sitting bum didn’t find this offensive. There is some wild unity that comes from movement. ImaGine if each body part had a mind of it’s own. The hands clapped as long as they wanted to clap, the feet stomped, the tongue blabbed, and well....no need to image any further...u get the point. ;) You’d be like a wild hungry disordered machine! But miraculously, we are given only one brain, and somehow every cell in our body is in on the secret in every moment, we want to do an abrupt move, or learn a sultry new tango routine. The connection between our hands to match, and our both our feet to attend to the same amount of strength. We must be phenomenal. I always forget the moment before I dance...but it’s okay....It makes me strive to remember.

Alexander the Great.....to some. : o

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18803290

*Sameness*

Today I took a path through Irwin Ave to Bay street and there was this one tree. Branched out into a peace sign, and an air plane very far away looking as if almost going vertically just to the left of it. and the sun to the right. I vowed to alway remember that moment resting between two fingers, knowing the intelligence of the universe thinking something up in the distance, and the hot sun lighting up my face and body in the present. Then I made it to the subway. I spent most of the ride listening to music, though i couldn’t take any more samba. I was thinking how a literary career i put soo high up above myself that I make it seem impossible to reach. When I should lower the platform. Allow myself to work on it. Success of not, the very process would already be an astronomical accomplishment that at this moment I need to shrink to something like that of a love for a flower plant, that i can take care of, and nourish in the present.

Then 3 stops before mine, I caught the outlines of 2 mens faces looking out the window at the same angle and for the first time realized they were probably father and son. For they look quite identical! The first thing i noticed was the size of their ears being identical, as the shadows of the caves and outlines, if i were to draw them. They had the same shoulders and the same minor slouch. Wearing the same mid leg boxer khakis, just different color and a plain tea shirt. Their eyes had the same expression, and their smiles the same recognition of each other. They look as if they were speaking to the same person. Themselves. What happiness they could find in this i had a pleasant thought. To be so close to someone who values you.Because they innately understand you. Then I thought. If the caves in their ears, match in symmetry and shade, what about the dimensions of their souls! how similar is it all! They looked purely identical. There were a few more hair on that head then the other, but then again, both white again and fizzy already.

I only say two minor difference that gave away the fear, but also the brevity of time. The older man was wearing a watch, while his son beside him wasn’t. It spoke to me that the older gentleman already organizes his days with more precision, and more zest. Is more aware of the hours and the days, then the younger lookalike beside him. The two men really looked like brothers though. They smiled and spoke and pointed things out to one another. Then there was a moment when they both got lost in thought. The younger one look straight at the floor as he was thinking, while the elder gentleman looked at the window, with his head raised a little bit higher, trying to take in more of the ride and scenery. These little subtleties were so beautiful, because they exposed how the men treated their lives, and their relationship towards it. They were lucky to be so close. I didn’t have a chance to observe them for more than three stops. But when I got off at my stop, I looked to my right one more time, and saw they were discussing me also. I smiled, they smiled, for them the train kept on rolling, for me, it was the memory of them in my mind. Sameness is sometimes more beautiful and comforting than the constant difficulty of being difficultly different.

9 Crimes - Visuals

Famous Geeks Who Changed The World

Alan Turing

Famous Geekiness: The Turing Machine in second place. His effect on the outcome of The Second World War in the first. (Wikipedia) The day I wrote this article was Alan Turing’s birthday and Google honored him with a special doodle. Why? Because the famous cipher breaker is regarded as the Father of Computer Science. He also made a lasting contribution to the ideas about artificial intelligence. The Turing Machine was the forefather of the modern computer algorithm. It is a hypothetical model that explains the logic of computational logic or can be even used to explain a CPU. Think of it as the simplest computer of its kind. Interesting fact: He was criminally prosecuted for homosexuality in 1952. He committed suicide in 1954. Gordon Brown issued a public apology in 2009.